Have you ever wondered why some situations make you feel safe and calm, while others trigger anxiety or stress? The Polyvagal Theory (aka the science of safety) helps explain how our nervous system responds to the world around us. At its core, the Polyvagal Theory is about how our body reacts to safety and danger, and gives us tool to regulate our nervous system. 

According to Polyvagal Theory, our nervous system has three main states:

Social Engagement (vagal mode)

This is the state where we feel safe and at ease. When we are safe and relaxed, our vagus nerve promotes calmness and helps us engage with the world around us. In this state, our body and mind can function at their best, making it easier to connect with others, communicate, and feel empathy. Think of it as when you’re hanging out with friends, having a fun conversation, or enjoying a peaceful day. 

The social engagement system also helps us interpret facial expressions, read social cues, and respond to others with kindness. This is a time when we feel grounded and connected, and we are able to form meaningful relationships.

Fight or Flight (alert an defensive mode)

When our brain detects danger—whether it’s real or perceived—it activates the fight or flight response. This is an ancient survival mechanism that prepares us to react quickly. When we enter this state, our body gets ready to either fight the threat or run away from it. Physically, our heart rate increases, breathing becomes shallow and rapid, muscles tense up, and we feel a surge of adrenaline.

While this response can be lifesaving in dangerous situations (like running from a predator), it can also be triggered in less life-threatening scenarios, like an argument or a stressful work situation. If we stay in this state for too long, it can lead to burnout, anxiety, and chronic health problems.

Shutdown (dorsal vagal response)

If the fight or flight responses don’t seem like options—if the threat feels too overwhelming—our body may enter shutdown mode. This is like a “freeze” button that our nervous system hits when it feels there’s no way to escape or fight back. In this state, our body slows down dramatically, and we may feel numb, detached, or “checked out.”

Emotionally, this might look like feeling disconnected, withdrawn, or hopeless. In some extreme cases, it may even cause us to dissociate from our surroundings. Shutdown mode is a protective measure, but when we get stuck in it, it can make us feel emotionally drained or unable to process what’s happening. This can be especially common in trauma survivors or when someone feels trapped in a situation they can’t control.

What does a healthy nervous system look like?

A healthy nervous system is not about staying in vagal mode (social engagement) all the time, but rather about the ability to shift between different states and return to vagal mode after a stressful situation has passed. This is the flexibility we are aiming for, and it is what allows us to maintain balance.

When we encounter stress or danger, it is normal for the body to shift into fight or flight mode or even shutdown mode. These are automatic, protective responses triggered by the nervous system ( to learn more about how your nervous system detects danger and safety read this article). But, the real key to health is the ability to return to the vagal state, or a blended vagal state once the threat or stress is no longer present.

The ventral vagal system is the part of the nervous system that helps us feel safe, connected, and calm. When we are able to shift back into this state after stress, our body can recover and we can feel grounded again.

However, if we get stuck in fight or flight, or feel constantly disconnected or numb from being in shutdown mode for too long, our well-being can suffer. Chronic stress, trauma, or prolonged anxiety can keep the nervous system in a constant state of alertness or disconnection. Learn more about the survival response in this article. That is why the ability to return to vagal mode—the state of safety and social engagement—is so important.

The good news is that we can train our nervous system to be more flexible. And by retraining our nervous system, we will discover an experience of life that feels safer, more connected, and more fulfilling.

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